i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
