Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
