i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
