I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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