so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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