I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
