WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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