yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
