I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
