she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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