Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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