So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
