this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
