somebody snuck up and got me drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
porn star boner night. come get it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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