So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
