This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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