ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
