I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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