I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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