What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
