I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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