you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
