we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
