he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
