Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
farters have to be the big spoon...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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