I just saw a hot homeless man
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
