By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
