Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
