i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
