What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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