Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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