evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
