Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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