Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
