You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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