I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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