is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
