3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
