omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
