Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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