Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
