last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
