I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
