she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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