Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
