guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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