I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Randomize
