Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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