You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
