omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
