He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
