Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
