it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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