Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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