Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
