i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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