bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
