Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize