Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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