he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
