Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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