A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
