You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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