This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
