11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
