i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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