she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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