she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
