We're facebook friends in real life
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want is dick and wine.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
