No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
